Why Divorce Mediation-Merrimack Mediation

You should take a number of steps before deciding you want to file for divorce. Of course, you may not have time for many of these should you be the one served with papers.

Financial. In Massachusetts, everything that is owned by either party is part of the marital estate. Prepare documentation for each asset, including its value and how it was obtained. You may also want to request a copy of your credit report. Finally, consult copies of tax returns and recent pay stubs to determine your income. I also request clients to photocopy their Social Security statement, which is form SSA-705-SM-SI. This quantifies income earned and retirement benefits expected.

Credit. Some people have no credit independent of their spouse, an unsafe condition. You should obtain a credit card in your name only. This can often be done through Capital One, if need be by opening a savings account with them and obtaining a credit card up to the amount on deposit. You can then gradually grow the credit line beyond that amount. You grow credit by using it and paying most of the outstanding balance. It is far wiser to pay off the amount, although leaving some balance each month does contribute more to growing your credit.

Budget after divorce. Preparation can be the key to an easy divorce, and knowledge is the key to preparation. You should try to project what your expenses will be after your divorce. You may need to estimate some expenses, but it is important that you have a good idea what you will need in order to survive. This can be daunting, but it is always a good idea to make an attempt at it. It does not have to be completed before going on to other steps.

Protecting accounts. Sometimes after learning that a divorce is imminent, one of the parties raids financial accounts. If you feel the need to protect against your spouse’s making significant withdrawals from joint accounts, you should first consult with your lawyer. An action sometimes advised is to remove half of the funds from joint accounts and to redeposit them in an account in your name in the same banking institution. You should not try to hide this money, or try to spend it, . It is often a good idea to document any monies spent as the divorce approaches. Similarly, it might be advisable to close joint credit accounts, for the same reason of protecting yourself from a potentially angry spouse. It is often ill advised to add significant debt around the time of a divorce.

Take notes. I your case is likely to present difficulties, keep a written record of major events. If this is needed, it should be done in one document such as notebook rather than on scraps of paper. Note the date, names and addresses of witnesses, if any, and what happened. Do not tell your spouse you are doing this. This record is important because divorces sometimes take quite a long time, and memories blur with time.

Might mediation succeed for you? In cases where the parties are willing to be reasonable and flexible, mediation is an option. Mediators represent neither party but work with both to resolve the issues in a pending divorce. Mediation fosters the least acrimony among all divorce approaches, and is both the most efficient and the least costly. It is worth exploring.

Obtain an experienced lawyer. It is best to have an attorney who has at least 5 years in domestic-relations practice. You want to ensure your lawyer is capable and willing to litigate your case if need be, yet has the wisdom to recognize how cases can be settled.

Moving out. If either of you has not already done so, you need to address if you or your spouse will move from the marital home. You will need to consider finances and what is best for your children, if you have them; it is often difficult for children to deal with the physical separation of their parents, and it may be advisable to allow them some time before they also have to move on to different living quarters. Obviously, the amount of stress that you must endure at home will be an important factor in whether you want to stay or move. Take this action in consultation with your lawyer.

Do not cause yourself trouble. Some people lose their grounding in the face of divorce and start to behave in ways that could be interpreted negatively by a judge. This could include partying, staying out late, and ignoring your children.

A couple of additional points:

Keep your two or three closest friends advised of events so they can advise you. Often during emotional times, we become less able to see things objectively.

No matter how your divorce case proceeds, you are likely to feel more stress. If you do not already do so, it would be a good idea to take up behavior regularly that reduces stress.